Funny Quotes about Life
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back - Oscar Wilde
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. – Ron White
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it. —Clarence Darrow
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde
America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it. - Bob Hope
Funny Quotes about Love & Marriage
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. - Socrates
“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong and able to take on the world…Oh sorry that’s wine…. wine does that.
Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.
“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” — Chris Rock
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I’d just love to punch right in the face!
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Why do people say “no offense” right before they’re about to offend you?
Why is the day that you do laundry, cook, clean, iron and so on, called a day off?
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
A human is afraid of two things: to live and to die. He gets used to everything else gradually.
| 
